Dear Younger Me,
You would be so proud of the woman you are today. You won’t be proud of the mistakes you have made, but they have made you stronger, more beautiful, and more resilient. You fell for the wrong people, but that’s because you chose to see the good in them until you couldn’t break anymore from the hurt.
That’s what you do best, you always see the best in everyone. The best in every situation. That’s why you’re the light everyone gravitates to. You are so incredibly you.
People will come into your life and promise to love you and promise to stay. It’s okay if they leave. What’s meant for you is meant to stay and you won’t have to chase it down. People outgrow each other and we are all on our own journeys.
You have so much still to experience. I know you have struggled so much with grief, anxiety, and depression. I know how much you’ve wanted to die. To just find never ending peace. Your mom and grandpa and Justus miss you, but it’s not your time just yet. You have people to heal and your own healing to do. You have new music to hear and new poems to write. New people to love and new places to visit.
You have to live for more of your favorite moments—floating in the water under the sun, filling a vase with sunflowers. Playing with a child, writing a poem, reading a good book. Driving with the windows down, smiling at a stranger, sitting outside in the sun. Playing tennis and wearing sundresses. There is so much beauty left for you to see and feel.
Please don’t stop being you. It will not always be easy. It will be achingly painful and dark. It will be lonely and confusing. But you’ll have the strength from past pain and the light you’ve had since birth. Keep building it—from every person you meet, every place you go, and each day you live, that light grows stronger until the darkness can’t eat away at you anymore. There will come a day you can turn your back on the bad days and know you are enough.
Love,
Your older self