Hi everyone,
I hope this finds you well. This has been a hard month for me.
I lost my best friend. It was unexpected. He was only 31 and I loved him. We had only known each other for 6 months, but we talked every day.
We were going to grow old together and struggle through life together, cheering each other on. We were going to see each other have our own families and create our dream houses. He wanted a tiny house and farm, and I want a house on the beach.
There are so many things I want to share with you about him. But when his family is ready for me to share, I will. For now, believe me when I say he was extraordinary.
If you could pray for him and his family, that would mean the world to me. Thank you.
If you would like to donate to his foundation for Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, let me know and I will send you the deets.
I am starting graduate school online for my Masters in Nursing Informatics. I’m still trying to play professional tennis and I have been playing very well in practice. I am not in so much pain as I have been taking more days off to rest. I’ve been more patient as well. I just imagine J cheering me on as he was so proud of me for chasing my dreams. He loved to hear my stories about my students and all the funny things they would say and do.
Loss is so hard. I had planned to write about grief and loss when my mom and grandpa passed away 5 years ago. I never imagined I would have to include one more person.
J was my editor for my newsletters and poems. And I was his. He always wanted a newsletter about himself, and hopefully in the near future I will write one about him. He taught me so much about kindness and strength and he made the world a much better place.
I don’t really know what else to say. I forget what happened before the bad news. All the things that seemed important are not important anymore. I worry about taking the people left in my life for granted. We are all just trying our best and I think the best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to be kind. Thank you.
Bad things happen, but prayers get answered and miracles happen, too. There have been countless moments of beauty and grace after I lost J. It’s hard to keep my eyes and heart open to see them, but they’ve helped me deal with my heartbreak and grief. Thank you everyone who reached out to me and listened to me cry and listened to me complain and talk incessantly about Justus.
—Michelle
Goodnight, but not goodbye Dear Justus, Poetry brought me to you And it will always tie us together The poetry we shared with each other Will outlive the both of us But that is only one reason For why you were my best friend That is why this is so hard to write Because I never imagined the end I should have known how important You would become to me After falling in love with your poetry Which was only one facet Of your personality You were one of the kindest people I have ever known And one of the strongest, too It has been my complete honor To share moments of laugher And stories in confidence with you You were there for me on my darkest days And my brightest days Providing unconditional love We had our fights But the love was enough To always forgive each other We were tied by our grief initially Now, I am left to grieve alone But Justus, you gave me more joy and love Than you will ever know So when God called you to be his angel I understand you had to go I waited my entire life To find a friend like you And now you’ve given me the gift Of knowing your sister, too Justus, you were worth the wait For the few months I was your friend And I’ll keep my promise forever to you That our friendship will never end I will miss you every day of my life I will greet you every morning and every night Just like I did when you were alive I will love you for the rest of my life For all of my days and all of my nights Thank you for the gift of your friendship. I will never forget you. This is goodbye, but just for a while. We will see each other again.
Listen to: Lord Huron. Setting Sun / When the night is over / The night we met / Meet me in the woods / every song of theirs is so good and tells a story, you can’t go wrong
Read: The boy, the mole, the fox, and the horse by Charlie Mackesy